Thursday, December 23, 2010

rededicate your life

ya know, it's interesting what all this "free time" can do to someone.
Although I have already gone insane 5 times this break, it's gonna keep occurring until I figure out my thoughts and feelings.
Let me introduce you to my mind..
and my heart.
(fasten your seat belts children, you're in for a ride)

To make things not so awkward for everyone involved in the situation.. we won't share why these feelings first started. Just know that they did. Kind of like babies. But actually not at all....

These past 3 weeks or so I have had some interesting conversations with the Lord. I'm lost, completely lost in what I need to be doing right now. Because if you would have asked me a month ago I knew exactly what I was going to do. Now, not so much. It's funny how such little time changes everything. So now I've been questioning, trying to find some light on the situation. And the only light and peace that I receive is that of something I'm not sure I want to even go there again.. I had some strong feelings in the past of being patient with a certain situation and giving it time. There was a lot of good that came from it and reasons that I am just being able to see why things happened the way they did. I grew so much and learned a lot about myself from this experience and grew to love and trust my Savior even more than I had before. We're tight now, He and I
But the only peace I got was the peace that came when the Lord told me to be patient and things will work out how He wants them to.

That was over two months ago. I finally accepted what happened and was ready to move on..
But surprise,
here I am.. those thoughts came back full force about 3 weeks ago and I have ignored them until last week.

Now by ignoring them I mean that I'm actually now acknowledging that I need to probably figure out why I have been feeling this way lately. I haven't acted upon these thoughts and impressions because I don't even know how I personally feel about them. All I know is that I am feeling something a lot more than just my own thoughts and feelings. I'm feeling the spirit, and by that I'm feeling peace when those impressions come to me. Strong peace.
Peace is the only feeling Satan can not imitate.
that says something, right?

my heart is..
finally understanding the past situation
forgiving and forgiven
trusting in the Lord-
but still on the mend
looking for another shot
and peaceful about it as well
and ready to let someone in..

my mind is...
confused, yet clear
wanting a new adventure
open to new things,
as well as second chances
and extremely at ease
(when I go to my thoughts in the temple and the impressions I have been talking about)

It makes sense in my mind and in my heart, those impressions just make sense. Just like it's supposed to when something is right. Now if only it were that easy..

so what do I do? I don't know. Advice? Please. I know you probably don't get much from the story, but one day I will explain it all. In the mean time I could use some words of encouragement.

and you can tell me to be patient, but if you do I might come after you with a shot gun. I've heard that word way too many times this past semester. At least come up with a different word for it, then I won't take it so badly.

and I do want to say sorry, you are all probably really confused. And I don't know how to express my emotions very with technology, I'm still trying to be better in person with it. All I can say is that I know the feelings that I felt in the Temple. I know the impressions I received and the peace I have felt when I received them. I know that the Lord gives Personal Revelation. I know the Spirit gives peace to uneasy situations. and I know that it has been the Lord trying to tell me do to something, that I may be too scared to do..

now this is where you come in with advice.. ready, go!

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