make your influence felt

To be honest, I'm not sure where this blog post will take me.  I just need to write.

Over this past year of college I've felt a whirlwind of emotions.  A lot of those have been great, positive, encouraging feelings that have prepared me for the future.  But I've also had my fair share of sadness, tears, confusion, doubt.

Doubt is a funny word to me but it's been more recent that I've realized how destructive it really is.  Doubting that you can run those few extra miles, that you can do better on the next assignment.  Doubting certain events and blessing will happen for you, as they do for everyone else.  I think everyone at some point feels this way.

I was reading in 2 Nephi 4 the other day and thought how in the world can Nephi feel the way he does about himself in this chapter?  We all admire him beyond words, but he still feels extremely inadequate and broken.

Verse 27 really stuck out to me;

        "And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh?  Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul?  Why am I angry because of my enemy?"

As I stopped and thought about this scripture to relate it to my life, the word doubt came into my mind and I proceeded to reread the verse.

          "And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh?  Yea, why should I give way to [doubt], that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul?  Why am I angry because of my enemy?"

Something hit me in a way I haven't ever felt before.  My eyes started to water and right then I knew that these doubts I had been feeling were from satan, looking to destroy my peace.  My peace about who I was, who I am, and what The Lord has promised me. This year I've worked harder than ever to "find my place", it's been difficult and extremely discouraging at times.  This night changed everything.  My confidence in myself grew, but more importantly.. my confidence in Heavenly Father and The Savior became so evident, I was brought to tears.  That's what it is all about.  Having confidence in Them.  Having confidence in knowing whose daughter I am, the light that I carry with me, and the future that really is so bright!

And even though I have to remind myself every single day whose daughter I am, it has made me that much stronger against the evil one.  I pray that everyone can find and hold on to that truth, and have confidence in His plan for you.  It is so beautiful.  More beautiful that we can imagine, we just have to trust that He knows best.  Which He does, I can't deny it.