make your influence felt

To be honest, I'm not sure where this blog post will take me.  I just need to write.

Over this past year of college I've felt a whirlwind of emotions.  A lot of those have been great, positive, encouraging feelings that have prepared me for the future.  But I've also had my fair share of sadness, tears, confusion, doubt.

Doubt is a funny word to me but it's been more recent that I've realized how destructive it really is.  Doubting that you can run those few extra miles, that you can do better on the next assignment.  Doubting certain events and blessing will happen for you, as they do for everyone else.  I think everyone at some point feels this way.

I was reading in 2 Nephi 4 the other day and thought how in the world can Nephi feel the way he does about himself in this chapter?  We all admire him beyond words, but he still feels extremely inadequate and broken.

Verse 27 really stuck out to me;

        "And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh?  Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul?  Why am I angry because of my enemy?"

As I stopped and thought about this scripture to relate it to my life, the word doubt came into my mind and I proceeded to reread the verse.

          "And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh?  Yea, why should I give way to [doubt], that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul?  Why am I angry because of my enemy?"

Something hit me in a way I haven't ever felt before.  My eyes started to water and right then I knew that these doubts I had been feeling were from satan, looking to destroy my peace.  My peace about who I was, who I am, and what The Lord has promised me. This year I've worked harder than ever to "find my place", it's been difficult and extremely discouraging at times.  This night changed everything.  My confidence in myself grew, but more importantly.. my confidence in Heavenly Father and The Savior became so evident, I was brought to tears.  That's what it is all about.  Having confidence in Them.  Having confidence in knowing whose daughter I am, the light that I carry with me, and the future that really is so bright!

And even though I have to remind myself every single day whose daughter I am, it has made me that much stronger against the evil one.  I pray that everyone can find and hold on to that truth, and have confidence in His plan for you.  It is so beautiful.  More beautiful that we can imagine, we just have to trust that He knows best.  Which He does, I can't deny it.

I feel lovely, just the way that I am

Everyone.  Please go look at my beautiful friend Kelsie's photography.  She started her own business and it's been huge!  She shoots a lot of people. ha.  We had been trying to take pictures forever but never could.  Finally we got together and played out in the crazy fog, being chased by large birds and almost slipping on the inch thick ice that covered the snow.  All in all, it was a beautiful and fun day!  Here are some she took of me after I returned home from the Philippines

http://blackbirddesign.biz/

I left my heart in the Philippines

Remember how life comes as it will?
Well, so did the Philippines.

Last semester I came to a stand still.  Needing an adventure to somewhere.  Somewhere different and preferably far away.  I needed to just clear my head and learn who I am, what I want, and learn how to take chances again.  While looking through facebook one day, one of my friends posted about going to the Philippines for a Humanitarian trip.  $2,000 flat.  Beginning of January for 2 weeks.  It's always been a distant dream of mine to visit the Philippines since both of my parents served their missions there.  I never thought it would happen.  I thought about this invitation for about 7 seconds before I felt this strangely new giddiness in my body.  I knew I had to go.  It was eating away at my mind, heart, and every desire I had.  I knew it would change my life and perspective.  But I was naive to think I understood how true that would be.

I was a little skeptical.  This friend and I only met once, about 4 years ago and haven't talked at all since then.  I was nervous, uncomfortable, and felt extremely inadequate.  I didn't know anyone going.  This opportunity seemed to fall right into my lap stating, "Kjarinda!  Look at me!  I'm right here! Adventure, learning, hard work..Take a chance one me." And that same giddy feeling kept coming back and pushing me forward.  My parents were surprised, but not.  I've always been the unpredictable child, never knowing exactly what adventure I would chase down next.  How grateful I am for supportive parents who encourage me to follow my heart and dreams.

It was hard work.  A lot of hard work.  If the physical labor wasn't enough, the cultural barrier is what really got me down sometimes.  Not knowing any of their beautiful language to talk to the perfect orphans, I still found ways to play with them, get out of my comfort zone and be touched by these humble people and their even more humble circumstances.  I knew from when we walked into that first orphanage the same day we landed, this is exactly where I need to be right now.  It was so surreal.  I just knew.  Every part of me knew, I am where I'm supposed to be.

I'll post more inspiring stories and feelings I had later.

looking back

Isn't it funny how fast things change?

How life sometimes comes around and says "hey!  I've got some different plans for you, buckle up and let's go", without any warning at all?

And isn't it also funny when you feel like your life is going to change. And sooner than you think. Somehow. Somewhere.  Probably completely unannounced?

My life has already changed a lot in 2013.  In more ways than I ever thought it would at this age.  I feel so confident and happy.  Beautiful and completely unstoppable.  I can't wait to see what the rest of this year has in store for me.  I'm  sure there will be ups and downs, maybe a little confusion here are there, but I believe in something about this year.  I don't know what that is yet.  But I believe good things are in store.  I can feel it, crawling on my skin, occupying my warm and giddy heart.  

Something is coming. 

Just thought I would throw it back, on a Wednesday, to one of the most beautiful days I was blessed to be a part of.  Love these girls and their happiness! 

circumstance vs truth

hi.

it's me.  kjarinda

miss you.

Today I've already thought a lot, learned a lot, regretted a lot, smiled a lot, felt the spirit...a lot. 

I've been thinking about how we make decisions in life.  They are every where and not making a decision sometimes seems like the easiest thing to do even though that alone is still really hard.

We make decisions two ways:

-decisions based upon circumstance

-decisions based upon eternal truth

Satan is very circumstance driven.  He wants you to believe that you should "be good" for an instance, and if something doesn't go the way you think it should that you should fall and crumble.  That if your plans didn't make it to the end, that it wasn't worth it at all.  He tries to get you to doubt God.  Which, sometimes happens without me thinking.

But I've realized when I've based my situations on eternal truths, regardless of how they end, it makes it easier for me to stay happy.  To stay close to The Lord.
Because you see, I believe God is a fair God.
He is loving and considerate
He knows what's best for us and always has our best interest in mind.
The problem is we think we know everything.  We forget how all knowing He is.  We forget our relationship with Him, and we forget how to trust.

I feel like I am tested on if I live my life by circumstance or by eternal truth all. the. time.
and honestly, sometime's it's exhausting. completely.

Then I think of one simple word that I've been learning all my life,
and more abundantly in the last few years.....

Patience--the ability to put our desires on hold for a time, it is a precious and rare virtue.  Without patience we cannot please God; we cannot become perfect. Each of us is called to wait in our own way.  We wait for answers to prayers.  We wait for things which at the time may appear so right and so good to us that we can't possibly imagine why Heavenly Father would delay the answer. 

woof, right?  But needless to say, I trust God.  I trust His Son.  I know that as I live my life by eternal truths and principle I am happier.  I see the bigger picture more than I would by circumstance.  God is not a one shot God.  He will provide ways we would never even imagine possible to help build us His kingdom.  That's why we are here.  To build up His kingdom, not to please ourselves.

I love Him.  and most importantly, I know Him.  And that has made all the difference.

sunday thoughts

Forgiveness is one of those things that must be learned time and time again.  Sometimes it comes easy and other times seems nearly impossible.  If there's one thing I've learned through these past few years of my life is that forgiveness is a constant action.  Sometimes I forget the action part and just do the simple, I forgive, but then unwantingly hold a grudge. I have the hardest time with this when taking in account myself.  Forgiving myself for my wrong doings, my mishaps, my mistakes, my shortcomings, people I've hurt is what seems nearly impossible. Me me me me me.
I've thought about this for weeks now.  And the only thing I can really say is how grateful I am for The Son of God, Jesus Christ, who teaches me to forgive.  He teaches me love, compassion, concern..not just for others, but also for myself.  That when I make mistakes, when I act out of anger, disappointment or pain, that there is someone I can turn to who can help me make things right.  Even if it takes a whole year.  It takes time.  It takes pain, to be truly sorry.
How grateful I am for Jesus Christ.  Giving me a second, third, and sometimes even a tenth chance to get things right.  May we all be more like The Savoir in this aspect.  People DO in fact change.  Never stop loving them or being kind to them.  Give people a chance.  And give them more than one chance.  Could you imagine if we only had ONE chance to prove ourselves?  We must start acting as Christ, in every thing we do.

Charity is forgiving someone who has wronged you.
      I hope we can all work harder on this.

I am grateful today, and every single day, for The Atonement of Jesus Christ.  For forgiving me, and helping me to forgiving others.

a shared secret

I hope you're ready for this. 

Remember that one time I went to Hawaii for Spring Break?

Well, I fell in love.  Completely.

Smitten really.

Leaving to come back to utah was heartbreaking. 

I said, self, I want to come back to this beautiful place one day.

And that's just what I'm doing, all thanks to best friend who decided to serve a mission instead of going to Kenya for the summer.  Thus having to use her Delta money before she leaves.  

She was kind enough to invite me.

Plane ticket is purchased.

May 26

I may already be thinking of what I need to pack.